The Master's Birthday Bash
by freethenoise
Summary: The Master throws a party in the Doctor's TARDIS and chaos ensues.


**Author's Note**: Hi, everyone! This is my first Doctor Who fanfic so please, be nice. Read and review and tell me what you think. I do not own anything Doctor Who related. Everything belongs to the BBC. Enjoy the story!

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The Master's Birthday Bash

The Doctor and Romana were on their way back to the TARDIS after a rather short adventure in a shopping mall in downtown London in the early 21st century, in the nighttime, stopping a three eyed female alien from a hostage movement. The Doctor was in one of his foul moods.

"Sorry we didn't have that shopping trip that you wanted, Romana," The Doctor said, forcing an apologetic smile.

"It's quite all right, Doctor. At least I bought a little bracelet, isn't it cute?" Romana grinned, holding up her bracelet worn wrist.

"Ah, yes. I suppose it is rather cute," The Doctor replied disinterested.

"What's the matter, Doctor? You look a little bit cross," Romana asked.

"That adventure was such a waste of time. I thought that the whole shopping mall would explode, that would have been exciting, but no, we have some prima donna alien holding up the boutique just because the blasted handbag didn't come in pink! And I should have bought myself a new scarf while I was there, " the Doctor grumbled, tugging at his multicolored scarf.

"Oh, please, you have plenty of them back in the TARDIS, and there's no such thing as 'waste of time'.You're a time lord," Romana scoffed.

"True," the Doctor muttered.

Now the Doctor and Romana were wandering around looking for the TARDIS.

"Oh, dear Rassilon, where is it?" The Doctor huffed.

"I see it," Romana said, nodding over to the beloved police box.

"Ah, Romana, you have such good vision," the Doctor grinned.

"Isn't it obvious?" Romana said with a smug expression.

There was loud hip hop bass thumping from within the surroundings.

"Somebody's having a party, I see," Romana said.

"A party? Well, I'm in the mood for a little dancing," the Doctor said, imitating a Michael Jackson move and failing spectacularly.

"No, just no," Romana said, embarrassed at the Doctor's behavior.

"I didn't land the TARDIS here, in this junkyard," the Doctor said, baffled, scanning the place consisting of wardrobes, mirrors, cars, some trees and a grandfather clock.

"The music's coming from the TARDIS!" Romana said, alarmed.

"Don't worry, Romana, it's probably K9 again," the Doctor said, forcing a laugh.

"The doors are open," Romana said, horrified.

"I thought I'd locked the TARDIS," the Doctor muttered uneasily.

"But who would break in the TARDIS?" Romana asked.

"Well, it's better to find out," the Doctor replied.

He almost tripped over a empty box of alcoholic beverages. He picked it up.

"Rozay? He's drinking in my TARDIS!" the Doctor angrily threw it down on the floor.

"_K9!_" the Doctor screamed out, as he stormed into the TARDIS.

"Doctor, be reasonable!" Romana called going after him.

As soon as she stepped into the TARDIS, her jaw dropped at the massive amount of people crowding the console room dancing wildly to "Party Like A Rockstar" blaring through a DJ system. The room stank of heavy thick odor of weed and smoke, which almost made Romana gag.

"Who are these people?! Who are all these people, Romana?!"the Doctor yelled.

"I don't know! Maybe that junkyard that you were talking about were all these people's TARDIS!" Romana yelled back.

"Of course it is!" the Doctor crowed.

"The music's too loud and what is that horrible stench?" Romana whined, covering her little nose.

"Marijuana, otherwise known as pot or weed," the Doctor explained looking around the place.

He looked in front of the console room and saw a DJ clad in a baseball cap and shiny clothes in the mix.

"He even hired a DJ," the Doctor growled.

"Oh, Rassilon, K9's having a party," Romana said.

"You don't say, Sherlock!" the Doctor said, raising his voice.

Romana looked hurt by the Doctor's tone of voice. The Doctor sighed and said,

"Romana, my dear, I'm sorry that I snapped at you, I'm just upset at what's happening right now-look, listen, I'm going to find K9, you stay here."

"You got it, Doctor," Romana replied, trying hard not to go on the Doctor's bad side with the situation that's happening.

The music changed into a certain popular reggaeton song. A drunken man, or a time lord staggered in front of Romana.

"Hello there, pretty," he said, his words slurred.

"Hello," Romana replied uneasily.

"You look like a strawberry lemonade icy pop," the timelord said, judging by how Romana was dressed in her pink and yellow outfit.

The time lord made slurping sounds licking and smacking his lips. He staggered towards Romana. She felt threatened by his actions, whipped out her sonic screwdriver in a swift motion, and held it towards him.

"Stay back, I'm not afraid to use it," Romana said, her voice trembling.

"Oh, you want to get a bit kinky, huh? Turn it into the 6-9-1-2 position, makes a good vibrator, y'know," the very unattractive time lord wiggled his eyebrows, and winked at Romana while staggering away leaving a gaping Romana.

"Well, I nev-I have never in my life!" Romana said aloud.

She then went through the crowd of time lords and their companions to find the Doctor with the music now playing "I Like The Way You Move".

Meanwhile the livid Doctor was scrambling through the mass of people trying to find K9. Some time lord ran across the room almost knocking the Doctor down.

"He doesn't even know the sentence, 'excuse me'," the Doctor muttered angrily.

He cast a look in the TARDIS kitchen and it was completely trashed with shards of glass on the floor, bottles of alcohol spilling on the table onto the floor, and a crowd of humans smoking marijuana. The Doctor coughed from the smoke, shook his head and did a facepalm, controlling his anger.

He was storming back into the console room to stop the party when he bumped into a blonde plastic model like time lady, whose outfit was so revealing that the Doctor had to look down.

"Hey," she said, in a sultry voice.

"Hello," the Doctor replied disinterested.

"You're so handsome, have I've seen you from somewhere?" The time lady asked.

"As if you could," the Doctor replied, with utter disgust, walking around the offended woman and continuing his storm into the console room with a series of "oohs" erupting from the onlookers.

The Doctor found Romana walking up to him.

"Doctor, I've discovered something disturbing," Romana said.

"Well then, what is it?" the Doctor asked impatiently.

"Well, um, I...er," Romana stammered.

"Romana, I don't have time for your blubbering! There is a party in my TARDIS, there are humans in the kitchen smoking marijuana, and they trashed the whole place! Now please, tell me what happened! I COULD HEAR HER CRYING!" The Doctor yelled, desperately, his hands on Romana's shoulders, shaking her vigorously.

"Two humans were having sexual intercourse in the TARDIS pool," Romana replied swiftly.

The Doctor let his hands fall off of Romana's shoulders, and almost collapsed to the floor, but controlled himself and his head snapped up to look at Romana, his eyes red and bloodshot.

"Where in the bloody hell is K9?" The Doctor asked quietly, through gritted teeth.

The robot dog whizzed by the Doctor's feet, but the nimble Doctor stopped K9 in his tracks.

"Master, I can explain," K9 said in his metallic voice.

"Explain what?! I leave you here in the TARDIS, while me and Romana were running an errand for only a few minutes, and you throw a party!" The Doctor barked.

"You were out for a few _hours_, Master," K9 corrected.

_"DO NOT BACKSASS ME WHEN I'M SPEAKING TO YOU! YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID!_" The Doctor roared, his face suddenly turning pale with rage.

"Doctor," Romana said, sternly.

K9 boldly ignored the Doctor's tone of voice.

"I am not backsassing, I am stating facts. Before you yell, and jump to conclusions, Master, it is imperative to get your facts straight," K9 said. Another sass. High score for K9!

The Doctor loosened the scarf around his neck and threw his hat on the ground. He looked like he was going to burst right then and there. He crouched at K9's level.

"K9, who are all these people in the TARDIS?" The Doctor asked, sounding calm.

"Insufficient data," K9 replied.

"Do not lie to me, it'll end up bad for you, you know what, I'm going to stop the party, we'll have this talk later," the Doctor said grimly.

"But, Master," K9 began.

"Shut the f*** up," the Doctor spat out.

"Doctor!" Romana gasped at the language the Doctor used.

The music faded and the DJ's voice boomed through the TARDIS.

"Are you having a good time?!" The DJ yelled.

The place erupted in light hearted cheers.

"I can't hear you! I said are you having a good time?!"

The Doctor expected his ear drums to blast when he heard the yelling, cheering and banging within the TARDIS. He could hear his old girl cry in pain. It ached his hearts.

"Without further notice, let me introduce you to the birthday boy himself, the greatest time lord to ever live, the _extrrrrrraorrdinary_... _THE MASTER!_"

"The Master?!" The Doctor and Romana exclaimed in unison.

The Master strolled in the room from within the TARDIS through a mass of cheers and banging on the walls and on the floor. The clothes that he was wearing was appalling to the Doctor, Cheetah print suit, a huge gold chain necklace with a huge pendant of a clock and aviator sunglasses that says "pimp" on the lens.

"Good Evening, everyone! I want to thank you all for coming to my birthday bash!" The Master yelled through the microphone.

The crowd erupted into cheers and banging within the TARDIS.

"And most importantly, I would like to thank my good friend, the Doctor, for allowing to make this absolutely fantastic party take place!" The Master yelled, smirking at the Doctor smugly.

The crowd cheered and started chanting "DOCTOR!" The Doctor felt tears well up in his eyes, felt a sob coming up his throat, and his eyebrows twitched. He felt a burning sensation in his face feeling remorse for yelling at K9. He slowly turned to Romana.

"It's not even his birthday," the Doctor said, his voice broken.

"Have a good time, enjoy yourselves!" The Master yelled.

Now the party chaos continued the music now playing "Dirt Off Your Shoulders". The Master went forward to the Doctor and Romana and said,

"Hello, Doctor. You know, you and your companion are on my VIP list."

"What are you doing having a party in my TARDIS?" The Doctor asked, sounding meek.

"The DJ system couldn't fit in my TARDIS, so we settled to have it here. After all, your TARDIS was cold and shallow, so, out of the goodness of my hearts, I threw this party to...you know, warm her up a bit," the Master replied.

The Doctor was outraged at the Master's words.

"Well, I will have you know that I have been operating this TARDIS for over 500 years! I myself am more than enough to keep my old girl warm! And what 'good' do you have in your hearts?! You are a cold, calculated person!" The Doctor screeched.

"Doctor, calm down," Romana said.

"No, I will not calm down because I want to know why out of all the time lords would the Master throw a party in my TARDIS!" The Doctor yelled.

"Oh, Doctor, why so uptight? You should be happy, loosen up a bit, have fun for once in your miserable life, excuse me, my dear, love that outfit by the way," the Master said, speaking to Romana as he made his way to the crowd to dance.

The Doctor made a face like he was about to cry.

"Oh, Doctor don't," Romana said rolling her eyes.

"What am going to do, Romana? There's people in here and my dear old girl's in pain and I shouldn't have yelled at K9," The Doctor said, choking back tears.

"I'm sure you'll think of something, Doctor," Romana said patting the Doctor on the back.

The Doctor scanned the place and lo and behold, he saw a few people break into his secret stash of jelly babies and started gobbling it down. The Doctor starting hyperventilating and tears streamed down his face. His whole body started shaking violently. This alarmed Romana.

"Doctor, are you all right?".she asked.

"Not my jelly babies. Romana take K9 and get out of the TARDIS," the Doctor said, seemingly out of breath.

"But Doctor-" Romana protested.

"_GET OUT!_" The Doctor shrieked.

Romana trembled at the thought that the Doctor has finally snapped and was having a meltdown right now. Romana scrambled to find K9. Once she found K9, she grabbed him and ran out of the TARDIS as fast as she could.

"Mistress, why are we outside?" K9 asked.

"To get fresh air," Romana replied, smiling forcefully, trying to hide her fear.

Soon, the music suddenly stopped playing. The Master and the DJ ran out of the TARDIS with the whole music system and were running for their lives into the Master's own TARDIS while the DJ was yelling,

"He's lost his mind!"

Then the Master's TARDIS dematerialized.

Then the same guy that was sweet talking to Romana earlier high tailed it out of the TARDIS screaming like a girl,

"_HE'S GOT A GUN!_"

Microseconds later, gunshots rang out in the night from the TARDIS. Romana held on to K9 for dear life as she looked on to the mass of people pouring out of the police box screaming and running for their lives, including the two soaked humans that were getting it on, wearing nothing but a towel, many running down the street and some going into their TARDIS and dematerializing. Once the whole place was empty Romana still holding on to K9 tiptoed into the TARDIS to find the Doctor slumped on the floor by the console with a machine gun in his hands. Miraculously, the TARDIS was unharmed.

"Doctor," Romana called.

"Come in, Romana, it's alright," the Doctor said, huskily. Romana figured that he lost his voice from all that screaming he did. It's going to be a handful for her for the next couple of days.

"But you just shot up the TARDIS, how are there no bullet holes?" Romana asked, looking around the place, baffled.

"The bullets are called blanks, Romana, see?"

The Doctor opened fire to the ceiling, almost making Romana drop K9.

"Doctor! You almost made me drop K9!" Romana yelled angrily.

"Affirmative, my circuits almost rattled," K9 chimed in.

"Every time you fire the gun, it doesn't make damage, it just makes noise." The Doctor grinned, proud of himself.

"Now we're both even," he said to Romana.

"I'm sure we are. Doctor, do you anything to say?" Romana asked the Doctor looking from him to K9.

"Of course," the Doctor said.

Romana set K9 down on the floor and the Doctor moved over to K9's side.

"K9, I am absolutely, madly, truly, terribly sorry for yelling at you earlier. I was just upset at what transpired, and I thought that it was you that threw the party, and I would never imagine that it was the Master. Surely, you would forgive me?" the Doctor apologized, looking at K9 with puppy eyes.

"Your apology is accepted, Master," K9 replied.

The Doctor grinned in happiness and relief. "Thank You, K9."

Romana looked up from dematerializing the TARDIS and smiled at the Doctor and K9's reconciliation.

"But what am I going to with the TARDIS? It's a mess in here!" The Doctor frowned.

"Allow me, Master," K9 said.

K9's eyes flashed and soon the trash was cleared and the air was fresh.

"Good boy, K9!" The Doctor cried out, happily.

"It's good not to smell that stuff anymore," Romana said, forcefully sniffing the air.

"Well, after a long day, I think it's time I have my own party. HIT IT, OLD GIRL!" The Doctor yelled suddenly.

Then the TARDIS played even louder music than the DJ system the Master used. The lights turned off and strobe lights turned on. The Doctor was laughing crazily and danced uncoordinated to Cascada's "Blink". Even K9 was cheering and laughing along with the Doctor, rolling around the place. Romana ran her hands on her face and said,

"Oh, Rassilon, I'm going to bed."

Romana turned to go to her room but the Doctor pulled her close to him and said,

"Oh, no you don't. You're going to dance with me, and you're going to like it," the Doctor said.

"Your dancing is horrendous!" Romana cried, while grinning.

"I'm having fun for once in my miserable life! Now let's dance!" The Doctor said.

Romana was laughing as she and the Doctor danced around the console room.

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Sorry for the sappy ending. I tend to do it a lot. Read and Review and tell me what you think! Thanks for reading!


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